General Anger in the Direction of Hollywood

The more I've thought about this floppy hat nonsense, brought to you by our friend Aristotle, the angrier I've gotten.  While I blame the hipsters ("unwashed masses," if you will) for many obnoxious trends, I think the fault really lies with Johnny Depp.

Here's a newflash, kids.  Only Johnny Depp can be Johnny Depp.  No amount of douchescarves, dangly necklaces, wrist adornment or headgear idiocy can give you the same brand of smarmy, European, artiste-cool vibe that Depp has flaunted in my US Weekly ever since Edward Scissorhands.  I'm not saying it's right, I'm just stating a fact.  Richard Grieco had to come to terms with it, and so can you.

I wish I could say it were just Johnny, but the children aren't doing any better.  Case in point, past FA contributor, Zac Efron.

Dammit Zac, why do you have to let people think this is OK?  And why did I find this on a site which says "The trick to wearing a floppy, knitted skullcap? Pair it with something this basic and uncomplicated. If you’re somewhere up north or in the mountains, we guarantee you’ll never want to take it off."

No.  No no no no no.  No.  NO.  This is NOT cool.

Flop Week: Inappropriate Office Attire

OK Team, it's been a productive week - one can't deny the inadequacy of floppage when it comes to safety.  But let's get to a deeper issue.  If one insists on making their prescence known to everyone within earshot by flopping around like a fool, one could at least be armed with the knowledge of when and where it might be considered appropriate to do so.  I have long held on to the notion that flops can be worn in three places:

1. the beach
2. the pool
3. the locker room at the gym

You know where they should not be worn?  Everywhere else.  Especially at movie premieres.

Come on, Zac, that's just asinine.

Apparently the CEO of hulu.com has also decided he can wear flops anywhere - including the office. I've been trying to read the article but the New York Times is seemingly so angry about the concept themselves, the page refuses to load. I think this is a good sign.  The fewer people jumping on the bandwagon, the better.

A co-worker has similarly adopted Matthew McConaughey's beachcomber philosophy and has taken to wearing flops to work.  To this, I say no.  In response, I have begun referring to him as "Floppy" in any and all settings, whether he is wearing them or not.  Example:

"Gentlemen, we'd like to get you up to speed on the plans for next quarter's new campaign.  Floppy will go over the action items in this powerpoint.  Let's begin."

If that doesn't say good business practice, I don't know what does.